Reader, I Buried Him ...

     The quote is adapted from Jane Eyre ... "Reader, I married him." I changed it to fit in with this book, which was changed quite a bit by Seth Grahame-Smith! I read every page. I didn't think I'd like it, but I did. It was hysterical -- Elizabeth Bennet and her sisters are highly trained Shaolin warrior zombie slayers! In this version, England has been under zombie siege for fifty-five years, and the "unmentionables" roam the countryside in search of succulent brains. London is walled off and partitioned into patrol zones, and there is much swordplay and musket fire and brain-eating.

     Lady Catherine de Bourgh is the foremost Zombie killer in the land, and has a team of ninjas employed for protection. Charlotte Lucas gets bit by a zombie and marries Mr. Collins, who enjoys marital bliss with her for several months while she decays, until she is decapitated (you have to decapitate the recently dead to keep them from becoming zombies, see). Mr. Collins hangs himself afterward.

     Kitty and Lydia walk to Meryton every day in search of officers, impatiently slaying any undead who get in their way. Mr. Darcy is a great zombie killer, and Mr. Bingley is an ineffectual milquetoast. Lydia still runs off with Mr. Wickham, only this time -- revenge! -- Darcy beats him to a cripple when he finds them, and forces him out of the country. Wickham lays on an invalid bed and soils himself through much of the last bit of the book. 

     Through it all, the ladies maintain their decorum, fighting primly, sparring in modest gowns, and dedicated to protecting England until they are killed, maimed, or married. Elizabeth longs to decapitate any who insult her or her sisters, which is about everyone she meets. She even beats up on Darcy in the sitting room after he proposes to her. She also enjoys going up to the burning grounds to watch the captured zombies smoldering. A gruesome, but strangely enjoyable read! 

      Okay, on to the supposed reason for this blog.

  A new WIP -- no, smart-aleck, I didn't finish any of the other WIPs. I just started a couple of new ones. These are meant to be "The Wave Hand Warmers from 101 One-Skein Wonders, and they are misnamed, because they are actually arm warmers. They're meant for my boss, who does bead jewelry, and who fixed a necklace for me. I bought the yarn in Wales -- Rowan something or another. I'm too lazy to go find the label, which the cay has probably batted under the china cabinet anyway. 

 Socks, "Fair Isle Made Easy," from Think Outside the Sox. Yarn is ... some sock yarn I purchased from Joanne's. "Sensations Bamboo and Ewe." Punny, huh? If these fit me, they'll be for me. If they don't fit me, they'll be a gift for someone. 

And lastly ... this. No idea. I bought it to make a scarf "on commission" but now I'm not liking it so I don't know what will happen. 

      
    One more cute thing: look! Look at my car! This really pegs the needle on the Cute-o-meter! Lashes purchased from here. I think they sent me the wrong kind, they're much bigger than the ones in the pictures, but I think that just makes it more flirtatious. Not trampy flirtatious like blue eyeshadow on a woman with a bad hair dye job, but innocent flirtatious, like a teenage crush on a Mormon pop singer.

     I'm having a great time watching the reactions I get from this. Guys look at it then look away, with absolutely no change of expression, but women laugh. The neighbors love it, but the neighborhood children want to know why I did it. When did children become so serious?